Nicklas Johnson · morons.org - The Nine Lives of "Chemical Ali"

Random: The Nine Lives of "Chemical Ali"

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It must have been all those chemicals that allowed "Chemical Ali" to be killed in April and then captured earlier this week...
Posted by spatula on Aug. 22, 2003 09:06 UTC
14 comments from readers. Join the discussion!

April 7, 2003

The headlines read, "Body of 'Chemical Ali' found". CNN tells us, "The notorious Iraqi general known as 'Chemical Ali' ... was killed in a coalition airstrike on his home over the weekend, U.S.-led coalition officials said..." Rumsfeld told us, "We believe that the reign of terror of Chemical Ali has come to an end." The Kurds breathe a sigh of relief.

August 21, 2003

The headlines read, "'Chemical Ali' in custody." CNN tells us that the military has indicated Ali Hassan al-Majid was taken into custody several days ago.

Claims of his death in an airstrike have been retracted (the first news I can find of such a retraction being in the article about his capture).

---Nick

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Posted by Chickenhead on Aug. 22, 2003 09:18

Who came up with these stupid comic-book names like "Chemical Ali" anyway? I doubt it was the Iraqis...sounds more like the PNACers at the Pentagon. I really can't picture Iraqi children being told bedtime horror stories by their parents about "Chemical Ali". "Now Ahmed, be good or else Chemical Ali will come and...uh...make you eat chemicals. Because you know, his whole modus operandi is...uh...chemicals..and stuff. G'nite..."

I think we should have comic names for W's crew as well...how about:

"Depleted Uranium Rumsfeld" "Oil Tanker Rice" "PNAC Wolfowitz" "Foot-In-Mouth Powell" "Elmer Fudd Bush"

irascible: Who comes up with the names? Republican Retread Rove perhaps?

Aqua Marine: I think "Yellow Cake Bush" is better.

Pansy Bedwetter: Yes: it suggests both nuclear weapons AND urinals!

Posted by DEMachina on Aug. 22, 2003 10:27

Rumors of Ali's death have been greatly exaggerated.

This should be further evidence that the U.S. doesn't know what it's doing in Iraq and isn't even doing it well. It won't come out that way, though, nor will the public see it as such. *sigh*

Posted by Froglet from England on Aug. 22, 2003 12:14

The Pentagon did actually announce that it probably hadn't killed him back in June, it's just that the US press is so tame that presumably it didn't think this should be reported in case people doubted the word of US.gov

BBC, 6th June 2003

Posted by I Want To Be Aborted on Aug. 22, 2003 15:27

Actually, it was the British government that claimed to have "probably" killed him in April.

I'm not defending the media or anything, just sharing. I hate you all.

-Nick

spatula: "Actually?" Did I say otherwise?

Posted by Klep on Aug. 22, 2003 22:12

The only explanation, obviously, is that Chemical Ali is a zombie.

-David 'Klep' Kleppinger, Raving Lunatic

Posted by way2muchsense from Clinton, New York on Aug. 23, 2003 06:09

Like good little proles, we're supposed to forget all about the April story and the retraction. So, what are you doing after the Two Minutes Hate?

psychojosh13: due to the immense number of enemies of Ingsoc present on this otherwise...

Tigerhawk71: decaf . decaf .

Tinker Toy: Why, have myself a teacup full of Victory Gin of course! The Ministry of Truth...

Posted by Kitsune from Its Heated Den With a T1 on Aug. 23, 2003 14:16

I smell a retcon.