Nicklas Johnson · morons.org - morons.org Declares Gay Sex Protection Week, Oct 12-18

Signs of Intelligence: morons.org Declares Gay Sex Protection Week, Oct 12-18

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In response to Bush's declaration of Oct 12-18 as "Marriage Protection Week" we have a declaration of our own.
Posted by spatula on Oct. 06, 2003 14:43 UTC
51 comments from readers. Join the discussion!

In response to Bush's declaration of Marriage Protection (from gays) Week, we have a little proclamation of our own:

Gay sex Is a Sacred Institution, and Its Protection Is Essential to the continued strength of our society. Gay sex Protection Week provides an opportunity to focus our efforts on preserving the sanctity of gay sex and on engaging in hot and wet gay sex in America.

We must support the institution of gay sex and help gays have multiple orgasms. And we must continue our work to create a compassionate, welcoming society, where all people are treated with dignity and respect (unless they're not into that).

During Gay Sex Protection Week, I call on all Americans to join me in expressing support for the institution of gay sex with all its benefits to our porno, our culture, and our society.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, NICK "SPATULA" JOHNSON, Founder of morons.org, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the readers of the site, do hereby proclaim the week of October 12 through October 18, 2003, as Gay Sex Protection Week. I call upon all people to observe this week with appropriate programs, activities, and ceremonies (especially lots of gay sex).

Yeah, kinda lame, but it's the thought that counts. Everybody have as much gay sex as possible next week, even if you're straight. Piss off a fundie. Break some sodomy laws, UNDER GOD. It's your civic duty.

---Nick

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Posted by Frankie on Oct. 06, 2003 15:05

Send that out as a press release. Find someone prominent in the media to write about it. Don't just let this languish as a private in-joke of morons.org, let it shine as a massive out-joke for the whole world.

I mean, what could be better to counter Bush's moronic proclamation with than a humerous jab that has a ring of truth?

(Yes, I did intend "out-joke" to be a minor pun, given the subject matter. So don't bother wondering.)

spatula: Alas, I cannot afford the multiple thousands of dollars it takes to dispatch a...

Captain Dan: Thousands of dollars? Nah, a couple stamps will do it. All you have to do is...

Frankie: Bingo. All it takes is just talking to people who could print it, and that...

adrian: Send it to the Gay Wire. It's free to join and it will go out to all the gay...

Posted by anthacker5 from Hell on Oct. 06, 2003 15:41

I love you. =P

Posted by Lankiveil from Queensland on Oct. 06, 2003 16:28

*snigger*

Posted by DEMachina on Oct. 06, 2003 17:40

Seriously, if you should send it to anyone and everyone; local newspapers, the aforementioned GLBT publications, college newspapers, everything.

Posted by Seldo on Oct. 06, 2003 17:58

Gay Geeks.org has taken up your noble fight to have more sex... :-)

Lankiveil: Halo-17 will make a brief return from it's publishing hiatus tomorrow to...

Posted by Lijdrec on Oct. 06, 2003 18:08

It made it into the GOOGLE News Search engine....

THANKS!!!!!!

Posted by mike3k from Florida on Oct. 06, 2003 18:18

Send the release to The Weekly News and Express Gay News.

Posted by spatula from the morons.org lair on Oct. 06, 2003 19:05

If I'm to submit this to any wires or other pubs, the text is going to need refining to be more sarcastic and funnier. For this, I need suggestions. Please post some as replies here!

brie: It's plenty funny, Nick. Especially seeing it on another website. Weird, isn't...

adrian: Throw in that we need a lot of hot, jungle gay sex to make ourself strong to...

Posted by Pansy Bedwetter on Oct. 06, 2003 19:08

Just remember to have protected sex, during this week of protection. ;)

Posted by dienerinlb from Long Beach, CA on Oct. 06, 2003 19:19

Being straight, having hot gay sex won't really work for me. So would watching lots of lesbian porn cound instead?

dienerinlb: Sorry, count. I need to practice typing by doing something other than chatting...

tsg: You could dress in drag and have sex with a(nother) woman....

Posted by girl_lovin_girl on Oct. 06, 2003 19:32

maybe this will help me finally bed that girl who's been givin' me the run around. should i tell her it's for the good of the nation?

Darwin Award: Of course. Just tell her that you're acting gay because chicks dig it (okay,...

Posted by High School RPG on Oct. 06, 2003 20:09

Eh... pass.

It's not that I hate gays, but the idea of gay sex kinda makes my rectum squeal. O.o;

spatula: Oral then.

Lijdrec: Try frottage.... it's the Ivy League way!

tsg: That's how you know you're doing it right. [gd&r]

Posted by Bobby on Oct. 06, 2003 20:28

The new BobbySays.org is officially taking part: http://www.bobbysays.org/item/?id=406

Posted by splorp! from Milky Way on Oct. 06, 2003 20:48

I'll just lend some moral support, if that's ok.

splorp!

Evil Bastard

Tonyschmo: Huh? did you say oral support?

Tophat665: Sure, a thing like this needs word of mouth support. ;-)

Posted by simguru from San Diego/Tijuana on Oct. 06, 2003 21:08

I already have the grass roots movement started. :)

Posted by yay on Oct. 06, 2003 22:18

In celebration of Gay Sex Protection Week, I would like to ask spatula for some gay porno links.

I feel festive!

spatula: http://www.nifty.org/

BluJayLax: OMG THIS SITE PROMOTES PRONOGRAPHY! YOU'RE ALL GOING TO BURN BURN BURN! and...

Lankiveil: fap fap fap

Posted by Brother Bimbo del Doppio Senso, OPI on Oct. 07, 2003 02:50

And as it's Gay Sex Protection Week, may I just remind everyone to have lots of fun, but play safe.

Posted by Leatherboy from back room at the Ramrod on Oct. 07, 2003 06:29

I feel that not only should Gay Sex Protection Week be observed and celebrated by all gays everywhere (that includes all of those fundamental xtians who are quaking in their republican closets) but that the sub cultures within the large rainbow umbrella of gaydom should offer special recogniztion of the week.

That means drag queens everywhere must quit their bitching temporarily and hit the streets to spread joy and love and prove that they are after all, really super guys.

That means the Queer Eye guys should turn their attentions on the GAY needy who have no fashion sense. I mean, what is more embarrassing for a gay man than to be told "You're such a slob, I never would've guessed you are gay!"

That means the Leather men must take their rightful place (ahem...) behind the other celebrants so that everyone knows that if you try to harrass a gay brother a very big very dominant very macho guy in leather smoking a cigar and flexing his muscles will be right there to beat the snot out of anyone who attempts to interfere.

Transfolk should also be included just because it is the right thing to do. Some transfolk are straight and some are gay but since they are utterly despised by religionists, they qualify as being Gender Queer and must be included in the celebrations.

Now, those cover the stereotypes. All the rest of the Gaydom who do not fit any stereotype at all should show up proudly so that the braying braindead fundamentalists and evangelicals discover that gays are just like them, except that they have functioning brains, compassion, and REAL family values.

Brann Slange: I would say that your original copy is fairly strong, except that I would...

tonyschmo: Damn Metrosexuals...stealing our thunder.

Posted by mwad from Sparks, Nevada(Nirvana) on Oct. 07, 2003 07:59

being straight all I can do is cheer from the sidelines.*runs to fetch pom-poms*

Posted by Smeg from Western Washington on Oct. 07, 2003 08:27

Yay!

I'm pretty sure you have the support of the Seattle Men's Chorus and Seattle Women's Chorus.

http://www.seattlemenschorus.org

I'm a chorus widower...

Posted by Biff McLargeHuge on Oct. 07, 2003 11:29

Remember, sodomy includes sex in any hole other than the vagina, so if you aren't gay, go for the oral, anal, belly button, ear hole, arm pit, etc.

LeatherBoy: Mmmmmm, arm pits....

adrian: Hey, you can now email the White House about this at HRC. The link is...

Posted by Kitsune from Its Heated Den With a T1 on Oct. 08, 2003 24:21

Well, I'm in (as it were). Three states and counting (I think, not too clear on IL law). Now keep some rubber, batteries and lube on hand (no pun intended) and go forth and spread some of that lovin'. As for me, I'll do what I can (hard to find people around where I am for the moment, some closet issues at this loc, and I don't fit any of those wonderful gay stereotypes making me "stealth" on most people's gaydar).

Slightly off topic, but would anyone here join me in figuring out a marriage 2.0?

Posted by Majnen from Queensland, Australia on Oct. 08, 2003 03:31

Hahaha. Absolutely agreed, send it out to the media.

Posted by Joshie on Oct. 08, 2003 22:55

Hate to be the party pooper, but this just seems kind of...childish. Sorry.

spatula: No, you don't "hate to be" at all. You're a pathetic troll and nothing more.

Joshie: Dude, some conservatives had a little talking-head fun and declared the week...

Posted by Jon on Oct. 13, 2003 06:02

As a Muscle Mary; I'd rip one of their limbs off, and beat them to death with the soggy end. Arragont fucking Breeders.

Posted by junipersdejavu from www.junipersdejavu.com on Oct. 13, 2003 12:35

Very cool idea! I plan to celebrate...Lighting up a rainbow candle I made right now to start it out right. Have fun and be safe everyone :-)~

Brie: A Canadian-ish friend of mine celebrated by bowing to the flag of her country...