Richard Williams*, a former straight man, who is now involved in a long-term homosexual relationship, is speaking out against his former lifestyle. "It just didn't feel natural to me." He says. With the recent focus on gay rights, Mr. Williams felt that his message is important. "For all of the straights, who feel trapped in that unnatural lifestyle, I want them to know that there is hope." He feels that there is a lot of propaganda about being "straight", and that the truth must be known.

After struggling for years in a marriage, he says after turning to his friends, and his faith, he realized that he was living a life that was wrong. "My wife and I hardly ever sex, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I found the female form repulsive." His ex-wife, Patricia, who is now a lesbian, agrees that their marriage was awkward. "We dated in high school, so after we graduated, we faced a lot of family pressure to get married. We did, having never touched each other, or anything." Patricia is now joining his efforts to start an organization that offers counseling to straights to help them come to realize that their lifestyle is wrong. "In today's society, with overpopulation, pestilence and famine, it is wrong to continue to endorse heterosexuality and procreation." Williams claims. He is currently seeking funding through the federal government's faith based initiatives to start his organization, which he intends on naming Stop Straightness Now.

Many activists in the Christian Community have taken exception with Mr. Williams claims, arguing that the Bible clearly states that homosexuality is an abomination. While representatives for Focus on the Family, Concerned Women for America, or the 700 Club were unavailable for comment, a Mr. Spud Rainey, of the small sect, Christ against Homos, had many things to say about Mr. Williams proposed organization. "God is gonna come down from Heaven to smite this guy. I can't believe this. Doesn't he know he is going to hell?" When asked about his personal religious beliefs, Mr. Williams says he follows a mix of different religions, and his own personal belief is that while God may have once said homosexuality, he believes, after seeing how straights messed up His creation, he feels that God might be more willing to give them a second chance. "Back in the day, being gay was very hedonistic, but now, with the proven facts that gays are usually more affluent, and a more peaceful people, he feels being gay is the new direction the planet needs to follow. "Look at how people's lives have been improved after a small exposure to gays, like on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. If the entire world was gay, there would be no time for war or crime. We would be too busy redecorating our homes and clearing out last minute sales at Neiman Marcus."

When asked about the innate problems of a 100% homosexual population, like the stagnation of population growth, Mr. Williams responds with what he feels is obvious. "No matter what we say, there will be some who keep a devotion to a straight lifestyle, even though it is destructive. I feel that these people can be corralled and used to continue a small amount of population growth." When asked about the morality of housing people in camps, to be used for the sole purpose of procreation, Mr. Williams replies, "The Bible has advocated keeping women in the home, for bearing children for thousands of years, so I feel that many members of the Christian Coalition would be happy with that state of affairs. And I wouldn't use camps, I would create little self suffiecient societies for them to stay in." Who would raise the children? "Well, I haven't thought this out to its ineviable conclusion, this is still very much a work in progress."

* The names used in this article are totally made up. To all the Richard Williams out there, remember satire is protected speech for a reason:)

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